In a recent leadership session, a participant shared a statement that immediately resonated with the room:
“We need to call people in, not call people out.” ~ Naythan
Simple. Clear. And incredibly powerful.
Because in leadership, the way we address behaviour matters just as much – if not more – than the behaviour itself.
Why We Default to Calling People Out
In many workplaces, speed and results are prioritized. When something goes wrong, leaders are expected to respond quickly.
- A deadline is missed.
- A team member disengages.
- Performance slips.
The instinct? Address it. Correct it. Fix it.
And often, that turns into “calling someone out” – pointing to the issue in a way that feels direct, sometimes abrupt, and occasionally public.
But here’s the challenge: Calling people out may feel efficient … but it often creates resistance instead of results.
It can:
- Trigger defensiveness
- Shut down honest dialogue
- Create fear around making mistakes
- Erode psychological safety
And when people feel unsafe, they don’t improve – they protect.
What It Means to Call People In
Calling people in doesn’t mean avoiding the issue. It doesn’t mean lowering expectations or being “soft.” It means choosing a more effective way to address it.
Calling people in is about:
- Creating space for conversation, not confrontation
- Leading with curiosity instead of assumption
- Separating the person from the behaviour
- Maintaining dignity while still holding accountability
It’s the difference between:
❌ “This isn’t acceptable. You need to fix this.” vs. ✅ “Can we talk through what happened here?”
❌ “You’re not meeting expectations.” vs. ✅ “Here’s what I’m seeing – and I’d like to work through how we can move forward.”
One approach shuts people down. The other opens them up.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
Today’s workplaces require more than compliance – they require engagement, ownership, and trust.
Leaders who rely solely on calling people out may get short-term correction, but they often lose long-term commitment.
Leaders who call people in create:
- Stronger relationships
- More open communication
- Higher levels of accountability
- Teams that are willing to speak up, not stay silent
Because when people feel invited into a conversation, they are far more likely to take ownership of the outcome.
The Leadership Pause
At the core of this shift is one critical skill: the pause.
Before reacting, labeling, or jumping to conclusions, effective leaders pause long enough to get curious.
Try asking yourself:
- What might I be missing here?
- What assumptions am I making?
- What context could be influencing this behaviour?
- What outcome do I actually want from this conversation?
This pause doesn’t slow leadership down – it strengthens it.
Practical Ways to Call People In
If you’re looking to shift your approach, here are a few practical ways to start:
Lead with curiosity
Instead of assuming intent, ask:
- “Can you walk me through what happened?”
- “What challenges did you run into?”
Be clear, not harsh
Clarity builds trust. You can be direct without being damaging:
- “Here’s what I observed…”
- “Here’s the impact this had…”
Focus on the future
Keep the conversation moving forward:
- “What would success look like next time?”
- “How can we approach this differently going forward?”
Separate behaviour from identity
Address the action – not the person:
- “This situation didn’t meet expectations” vs. “You didn’t meet expectations”
Create shared ownership
Invite collaboration:
- “What support would help here?”
- “What’s one thing we can both commit to moving forward?”
A Question Every Leader Should Ask
The next time you’re faced with a difficult conversation, pause and ask yourself:
👉 Am I about to call this person out … or call them in?
Because that choice will shape everything that follows –
- the tone of the conversation,
- the level of trust,
- and ultimately, the outcome.
Final Thought
Leadership isn’t defined by avoiding hard conversations. It’s defined by how we show up in them.
Calling people in doesn’t make leadership easier – it makes it more effective.
And in the long run, it’s what builds the kind of teams that don’t just perform but grow, contribute, and stay.
If you’re looking to strengthen how your leaders navigate difficult conversations and build a culture of trust and accountability, this is exactly the work we do at Upskill Consulting.
Through leadership training, coaching, and facilitated sessions, we help teams shift from reaction to intention and from calling people out to calling people in.
👉 Connect with us to learn how we can support your team.
Throughout Sofia's career she has engaged in various functions of HR, always with a mindset of translating business strategy into systematic HR initiatives. Her HR experience has involved overseeing day-to-day operations, developing HR strategies, leading organizational changes and partnering with leadership to drive and deliver on HR principles and business strategies.
Her specialization in HR includes training and capability development, performance management, employee engagement, change management and organizational development.
Sofia has a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology from Simon Fraser University,a Post-Baccalaureate Diploma in Human Resources Management from Kwantlen Polytechnic University and holds her Chartered Professional in Human Resources (CPHR) designation.
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